Dulles Airport is Fucking Nice

So, just about two days ago (jet-lag makes me question this) I took a flight from Dulles to Amsterdam. It’s the second such flight I’ve taken in the past two years, with all due credit to my wonderful aunt and uncle who keep inviting me back for the holidays. International travel has always held a special place in my heart, nestled in between Playstation 3 and Three and a Half Men. There is bliss to be found in the chaos of an airport two days before Christmas. Traveller’s hyper-reality began to set in as soon as I arrived. When traveling alone it is exceptionally strong, powerfully rendering the most minute details of one’s personal narrative into mysteriously loaded symbols. Luckily, the baggage check queue was only a few passengers deep, although the elderly couple in front of me still complained loudly about the slow service. Security took only 20 minutes, and (un)fortunately I was fondled not by a heavy browed, mouth-breathing TSA employee. After the security check and a few winding hallways, I took a quick ride to my gate in the new rail system Dulles built two years ago, which could easily be mistaken for Willie Wonka’s glass elevator.

Ochre light from the setting sun sparkled across the newly waxed floors of International Gate A and glinted off of the racks of D&G sunglasses in the duty free shop.  Further down the expansive corridor was a Hudson Booksellers, hawking George Bush’s memoirs, assorted Sarah Palin bullshit, and An Object of Beauty by Steve Martin (Steve Martin? [isn’t he dead?]). Then came a camera store, a massage kiosk, two bagel shops and, lo-and-behold, there she blew: the Fox News Store.

I double taked (took?) and involuntarily barked out a laugh, disturbing some of the window shoppers. No less that 8 televisions rimmed the store, which streamed forth live Fox News coverage of Obama’s latest press conference. A tower of Fiji water bottles stood in the center, surrounded by bookshelves filled with Glenn Beck’s myriad literary accomplishments. I wandered in with my camera, astonished. They sold mostly normal things that you’d find anywhere in an airport- including porno magazines, to be used for what I can only assume would be the obligatory mile high jerk shesh during the showing of Marmaduke 3d.

Sean Hannity has to get his rocks off, too.

Anyways, I caught my flight and now I’m in Holland for a week or so. It’s fucking cold here, and my aunt won’t stop feeding me. Stay tuned for more pictures.

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Comments
One Response to “Dulles Airport is Fucking Nice”
  1. David says:

    to think, Fox peddling such filth

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